it's been a long time. i've gone and dug my own grave this past a year, i think. And finally i have time to update and write something in this blog. i have a good (not so good) news, i just graduated from collage 4 month ago, it gave me a breath after all sleepless nights to do paper work, final exam, and final project (that's like a nightmare i swear). A fresh new step to start and i hope this year is as good as a sparkling pork bacons that i eat for my breakfast today. i'm back to my hometown in Surabaya and just work my ass to be a fashion stylist *because i think no one gonna hire me as their employee*, but i have another plan and i will tell you later. Time after time i feel boring sometimes to be freelancer i have more free time and don't know what to do so i decided to renew my vows to update this blog more frequently *i hope i can make it*. The thing about working from home is that spending the whole day with a messy hair, wearing a denim diaper/mom jeans and perpetually smelling of McDonal's coffee takeaway is all fine and dandy until the moment there’s a need to step out the house. i do care about the way i look when i go out but i'm too lazy to find something on my closet so i always go in this casual daily outfit. Long sleeves or t-shirt would be fine if you have a perfect fit mom jeans that you can probably wear twice a week lol. 
top-zara,pants-h&m,shoes-acne studio,bag-3.1philiplim,scarf-h&m
Misfortune, I just move to Jakarta for a while to do my internship. I don’t know why this week I feel so unlucky about myself. I have a lot of bad thing going on in my life. What can i do with my bad luck ? ‘no mazel’ The word "mazel" is derived from the Hebrew verb "nozel" which means to flow. Mazel is the energy, which flows to us from Above, and thus we often wish each other "mazel tov," which really means, "May you have a flow of positive energy". Life is never easy; every one of us faces hardships and disappointments. The real issue, however, is how we react to them. How we deal with that situation, how to stay calm and think that everything it’s gonna be okay. Don’t be afraid you still have God that always love you, God never give you more than you can bear. “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6).
@valentinepayen as the girl I know nearby
photo by @sharonangelia
styled by @christianbelvin
brushed by @milawijaya
assisted by @erickmulyaw
beautiful fiction words by @tisalrs
for @utterlymemagazine 'C' Issue.
She was clad in red dress that revealed her freckled,sun-bathed skin. Her hold was tight and steady on that fresh-picked cabbage, her eyes gazing at the field—a little unfocussed, a little wandering.I’m not sure if I saw her last harvest season; but ever since my sight stumbled upon her figure in that cloudy morning, she’s become a fresh air in this dull, tiresome tiny town. 
The veil that covered her hair was quite dirty, her bangs not looking so tidy, her body hugged in what I see an oversized blouse, and she was carrying a bag full of greens. I’m guessing she was heading straight home from the field. I’m not sure how her skin still managed to glow even when she was covered in sweat, but what I’m sure of is that she was just as beautiful even when she looked disarrayed like that.
I saw her inside the green house just five steps from the kitchen. She was running around here and there, not caring that she was surrounded by cacti everywhere. She’s a dauntless one.
I spent 3 hours sitting in the garden today, the ice cubes in my glass of juice melted. All I did was stare at her across the road. She was washing clothes in the front yard, wearing a plain white dress that revealed her strong back and long neck. Her skin was a bit tan from all the outdoor works. I saw a few people visiting that house but they didn’t greet her at all as if she hadn’t been there. That was the first time I saw a little sadness flash before her eyes.
I went to the curvy lady’s to lend her husband my gardening tools. It was nine o’clock on a Sunday morning and the lovebirds were at the church so I came to an empty house. However, I think I caught a glimpse of her on my way there from afar so I decided to walk around the house to see if she was there—
and there she was.
Gazing through the glass, looking at the world outside the window.
I wondered what she was thinking at that time: if the sun could ever fall down, if her brother back home was doing well, if the curvy lady would teach her how to bake apple pies,
or if—if she wanted to know who’s living in the house across the road.
Getting lost in my thoughts, I didn’t realize until I snapped back into life that her gaze already changed direction—she was staring at me. She had this surprised look on her face.
I guess I must’ve moved my feet that the wooden floor creaked or something when I was lost in thoughts. Either way, I quietly and immediately left the house, two pictures of her captured.
I didn’t want her to see me, but I wanted to carry a piece of her home with me.
Or maybe two pieces of her.
Yes, two.
Saved on my camera. 
We’re having a potluck dinner to celebrate the curvy lady’s 29th birthday tonight! She was the one to collect the veggies for the party. I wonder if she’ll be there tonight. I’m bringing a plate of apple pie. I hope she likes apples. 
he wind was strong and she had to work in the field today so I followed her to make sure she was safe. She kept getting blown by the breeze and stroked by the dust, and I swear she never looked that gorgeous before.She looked calm.
She looked sad.
She looked content.
She looked blue.
She looked like she was dipped in a matrix of hue with a little bit of everything swimming deep in her, and I’d never seen someone that alive before.
n that moment, she was the centerpiece.
And I still can’t understand why she couldn’t see that.
